Before this light fades away
by thingsabout
Summary: Distraught over the past events, a broken-hearted Regina ponders over an unexpected choice.


**Title:** Before this light fades away

**Author: **thingsabout

**Fandom: **Once Upon a Time

**Pairing: **Swan Queen (Emma Swan/Regina Mills)

**Rating: **T

**Warnings:** N/A

**Spoilers:** N/A

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, wish I did.

**Author's note: **Just a drabble that popped in my mind after S02E09, "Queen of Hearts". Unbeta'd. All mistakes by me. Enjoy! (^_^)

* * *

It is quite the double-edged sword. Strength can easily turn into weakness and a weakness can also become strength. Much like the native tale of the two wolves, it is something only one can control, for it only depends on how one fuels them.

* * *

The foliage that surrounded the clearing was already covered by a relatively thin coat of evening dew. Two days after the return of Emma and Mary Margaret to Storybrooke, Regina Mills found herself at the same place. The night sky was clear; moonbeams cast a soft glow upon the shimmering forest soil. The old wishing well stood serene in the middle of the glade.

Regina stepped hesitantly towards it, her hands deep in her coat pockets fidgeted slightly with the lining.

She wasn't expecting a profuse or any kind of thanks, for that matter. She knew they wouldn't give a dragon's fart if she lived or died, even though the latter would surely bring a few smiles to their faces. The Savior was once reunited with her family, which of course, included Henry.

She reminisced about the prior events as she gazed in a bit of abandonment down the well.

Between two or more unpleasant choices, one does seem to have two options: either they choose the one they are seemingly familiar with or go for the one they have never experienced before. In Regina's case, she knew better than anyone that Cora's presence in Storybrooke would be, by far, the least desired one. A deep sigh escaped her lungs. As tiring and, sometimes, painful it was, she'd rather pick going against Emma Swan, over Henry's affections any day, than having her mother near him, even if it meant losing her own life over it.

And so, this was the battle that briefly took place in her mind. Torn between the undivided love she felt for the young boy and the tainted, turned to fear, kind of love she felt for her mother, given the possibilities that were on the line, Regina truly had to set her heart aside, not completely, but in a way. The fear of losing Henry increasingly echoed inside her.

Against Rumpelstiltskin's trickery, the wish to prove to Henry she was changing, that she could play by the book, prevailed. Against all that was expected from her now, she shortened the distance between where she stood after hearing her son's beat up speech about Good and how it would win, of how Emma and Mary Margaret would come through. Whether her attitude was conditioned by sheer exhaustion (both mental and physical), her genuine love and concern for Henry or the dread she felt in her bones upon the mere thought of her mother being able to set foot in Storybrooke, it made little difference now. Her entire body shook violently, much like an earthquake's epicentre, combined with the intensity of a thousand lightening bolts, coursing through her, as she absorbed all the energy that made the magical barrier.

Once the barrier was no longer in place, the former mayor looked for support, leaning against a nearby tree, struggling a bit to recover her breath and her senses. From her prostrate position, the happiness in Henry's voice as the word 'mom' came out of his lips seemed to act a soothing balm, seeping through each and every pore of her weary body. It rekindled a sparkle of hope and emotion, both in her heart and in her eyes. Risking a glance in his direction, that feeling was a so very fleeting one, once she acknowledged that it wasn't, in fact, meant for her.

If hearts were made of glass, Regina's overly battered one would truly have shattered into a million pieces, for what it could have been the millionth time. She saw how Henry's eyes gleamed upon seeing Emma Swan emerge from the well; how he latched onto the blonde's side, not letting go for a second, making any kind of movement or breathing difficult for the younger woman. So Regina chose the familiarity of the comforting ground to rest and hide her brokenheartedness for a few moments, gathering her composure before facing her son and his mother. However, in the middle of it all and in a most unexpected manner, she heard Emma's voice address her.

Emma Swan thanked her. Emma Swan was thanking her and despite their feuds, Regina recognized a heartfelt relief on the sheriff's face, to be looking at yet another familiar one. And not just at Henry's adoptive mother, not just at the efficiently strict mayor, not at the Evil Queen. She was looking at the woman behind all those layers.

Between acknowledging the sincere 'thank you' on Emma Swan's part and the short exchange of words regarding Cora, Regina wished she could just erase from her memory the rush that soon followed.

As she was left alone in Gol— Rumpelstiltskin's shop, she didn't even try to mask the pang of sorrow that struck her, as she saw her son leave, without a word, in the merry company of the awakened Prince and his wife, their daughter and his birth mother, followed closely behind by what one could easily estimate as the entire population of Storybrooke. Through clenched jaws, she nearly bit down the urge to cry, not even caring any more. Rumpelstiltskin's words, resounding in her head, were the drop that broke the dam.

"Maybe one day, they'll even invite you for dinner."

* * *

Being brought back from her reverie by the soft sounds that broke through the stillness of the moonlit night, Regina felt the liquid, but regretful warmth that trickled down her frozen cheeks. How long had she been there anyway?

It seemed she was once again at another crossroad. Now that bigger dangers had been warded off, she pondered over something she expected never to do. If she had to live forever competing for Henry's love (and constantly losing), she considered that the biggest proof she could give him of that undivided felling towards him, was to never feel a thing for him ever again. Or for anyone, at that matter. To live with no love at all, for it had always been her biggest weakness.

Still hovering over the edge of the well, the brunette raised her right hand from the stone surface, her fingers looming dangerously close to her chest. She could feel the tingling sensation on her tips once more as she willed her fingers past her shirt's fabric. It would only take a moment and it wouldn't leave a mark.

_If it won't leave a scar, it won't hurt. Right?_

Wrong. It burned, it stung, it ached deeply, but it would not bleed. Sometimes, she wondered if it would not have been best to leave this world or any world, for that matter, once and for all. She wondered if she even had had a place, any place or any purpose at all for simply existing. Closing her eyes mildly, she inhaled and swallowed softly as her fingers sunk deeper into her chest.

"I'm not much of a doctor, but in my experience, if you do that, it won't be good for you." A much startled Regina gasped as her hand dropped from her chest and she spun to find Emma Swan a few steps away from her.

"What are you doing here?" She blurted out, breathlessly.

"I went to your house to drop Henry. You weren't there, so... I figured you'd be here." The blonde faintly gestured, looking at her.

"Of all the places in Storybrooke, you _figured _I'd be... _here_?" Regina leaned her back against the well's half wall, giving Emma a questioning look.

"Well, you can blame it all on the ridiculously good tracking genes." Emma attempted some humour, trying to break the tension a bit. "Plus, I was curious." She took a few steps forward. "So... it was here where it all went down." The blonde accessed her surroundings.

"Yes. Yes it was." Regina's gaze lowered slightly.

"Henry told me everything you did. It seems that my thanks that day don't even begin to cover it, even if you didn't do it for the sakes of me or my m— Snow."

Regina accessed the blonde's features. She could read some dejectedness both in her tone and in her face.

"What if I did?" The brunette uttered, looking at the other woman.

"Excuse me?" Emma questioned.

"What if I did it, for you?" Regina repeated her sentence, a little bit more audibly this time.

Emma shot her a speechless expression. "I... I don't know."

"It was tempting enough, you know? Not to let my mother nor you come through the portal. But... Henry would never forgive me."

Emma nodded in acknowledgement. "You ended up doing the right thing, Even though you did it for him, really. I am not one to judge, but I really don't get that ever constant need of approval from him you so much crave... Tell me, if he wakes up on day and tells you it'll please him that you throw yourself off a cliff, will you do it?" Emma's words only sunk in after they left her mouth and she nearly bit her tongue at how crude they sounded. She understood where it came from, but Regina's seemingly blind devotion for Henry sometimes infuriated her. She tried to amend her brashness, but Regina promptly replied.

"You would and the rest would like that... Perhaps I should do just so!" The sarcastic reply came through an undisguised sneer, but the brunette soon supported a disillusioned expression on her face. "He needs a mother that can protect him." Regina's hands found her pockets once more as she snuck them inside, furtively glancing at Emma. "I can't protect him when I love him this much." Her eyes brimmed with threatening tears. "I'll end up smothering him. And you know what happens to the people we smother, Miss Swan? They leave, looking for fresh air to breath somewhere else, with someone else." The older woman swallowed hard, her jaw tightly clasped, in an effort to retain a persistent sob. "You, Miss Swan are his breath of fresh air."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound the way it did..." Emma apologized. "But you don't get it, do you? I don't want to take Henry from you." Emma gestured in front of the brunette. "Not any more, anyway... Look, _you_ protected him, Regina. _You_ nearly got yourself killed. I know Gold tried to trick you into not letting me get through and _you_ went against that. _You_ brought me back." Emma smiled at the insecure woman. "Henry needs us... Both." She said, reassuringly.

"Well, then it was the lesser of two evils, really, Miss Swan." Regina shot her a smirk, through a sniffle. "I guess I'd rather choose the one I was never up against with, so to speak."

Regina only got a dismissive smile from the blonde. "We should go. Henry's waiting for you." Emma said as she was about to head away when she felt Regina's left hand grasp her by the elbow. She faced the overwrought woman again.

"Miss Swan? Is it true? Emma heard the coarse voice question her.

"What is true?"

"My mother... Your heart?"

"Oh yeah... that." Emma grinned. "Can't say it was very pleasant to have her hand stuck inside my chest, though."

"Did... did she?" Regina asked with genuine concern. Emma tilted her head to one side, nearly biting a slightly nervous grin.

"I don't know. You tell me." Stealthily, she grabbed Regina's right hand, the very hand that she was about to rip her own heart out with. She swore she could feel tiny needles on her fingertips as she took it out from inside the brunette's coat pocket.

Placing it on the left side of her chest, under her own, Emma let her gaze study Regina's expression. What the she saw was nothing short than awe, as a gasp fled the older woman's lips. The blonde's strong, quickening pulse throbbed against her cold hand as Emma's warm one gave it a light squeeze.

"She tried, but she didn't know I am not one to give my heart out so easily. The love I feel for Henry..." Uncertain of her own words, she took a short breath before continuing. "For you... was what pushed her out. It shielded her from taking the only thing that kept me going. You both." Emma drew closer to a much dumbfound Regina.

"I'm sorry, I don't thin—" Regina started to pull away, but Emma stopped her from doing so, holding her against the well with both her free hand and her body. Hearing Emma's admission, more like a declaration, Regina feared that her own confession over what she truly felt about the daring blonde would come through in this moment of frailty, but her thoughts were interrupted

"You don't have to run any more, Regina. Those walls you built around you... I will do whatever I have to do to tear them down and show you that shielding yourself from love is not the answer."

Regina nearly stifled a snigger. "Miss Swan, you speak so lightly of it."

"On the contrary. If there is one thing I've learned while being away is that if love should be a weakness, it should be the one that strengthens you, not the one that destroys you." Emma tucked an unruly strand of hair behind Regina's ear, showing her a caring smile. "And if it should destroy you, it doesn't make you less strong, less brave or less deserving. It makes you human."

Gliding downwards, Emma's hand soon found Regina's cheek and despite the other woman's apprehension, she softly caressed it with a lazy thumb, wiping away the the salty trail.

"Don't ever do that again. Please. You heart stays where it has to and so should you. Stay here, with Henry... With me. I promise I will do everything I can to soothe that pain."

Regina sniffled lightly, but with a gently grin. "Quite a bold promise, Miss Swan."

"Emma." The blonde corrected her, with a hint of playfulness in her eyes.

"Emma." Regina repeated after her.

"Well, you should know by now that I always keep my promises. Before being sent to that other world, I promised I'd protect you. Not because of Henry, but because of _you_. No matter what you may have done, it's in the past now."

"_Some_ would still disagree to that... to put it lightly." The brunette was cut off.

"And why does it bother you so?" Emma sounded mildly annoyed. "What matters is that you are fighting it back, for a good reason. I've been to that other world of yours and I've met your mother. You are _nothing_ like her, Regina. You could never be her, because there is Good inside you." The sheriff softly rubbed the other woman's arms. "You just need a bigger push to realize it further."

Regina smiled shyly, sniffling and taking the opportunity to change the subject.

"Like the one you gave me before being sucked into the portal? If you want to be accurate now, you weren't exactly... _sent..._ to that other world of mine and I haven't exactly thanked you for doing that."

"For what, really?" Emma faked forgetfulness.

Regina reiterated her speech. "For so gracefully pushing me away from the portal." There was a hint of a smile in Regina's lips as her eyes met Emma's earnestly. "For risking your life over my own. Again."

Emma grinned. "Oh... You're welcome. We're even now."

"No. We're not."

Regina's body abandoned its tense and defensive stance as she sought Emma Swan's body. From where she was standing, atop the well's first step, her hands found the blonde's shoulders and claimed them, pulling the younger woman closer to their owner. Regina's eyelids slowly blinked, for it seemed that time passed utterly unhurried between them.

Looking at the blonde's face, now bathed in the glow of the moon, Regina felt a powerful outburst of affection overcoming her. Emma didn't resist as she stared back at the other woman, understandingly. Her irises seemed of a translucent kind and her hair closely resembled silver. It truly mesmerized the brunette, making her heart beat heavily.

Regina's arms now circled Emma's neck and their faces hovered inches away from each other. Her eyelids finally closed as she tenderly covered the younger woman's lips with her own. Emma responded immediately, surprising herself. Regina's mouth was so warm, the caress of her lips softer than the blonde could have ever imagined. Emma tasted tentatively with her tongue as her hands promptly slid around the brunette's waist, softly caressing the warm skin under the fabric on the small of the other woman's back, as a smile played on her lips.

The brunette's eyes remained closed, her lips parted slightly. A few seconds passed before she finally felt Emma's warm lips brush against hers again. They kissed passionately, holding each other in their warm embrace, expressing their unspoken love.

After what felt like ages to both, their mouths finally parted and their eyes met. They continued to hold each other, silently staring into each other's eyes. After giving Regina a watery smile, Emma placed her head against the brunette's chest. The beating of her heart was audible, an indication that the brunette felt the same way she did. From her advantage point, Regina stroked Emma's hair gently, planting a loving kiss on her head and then nuzzling her nose against golden strands.

"I should save you more, you know? If this is the payment I get for doing it..." Emma's mischievous voice resonated against Regina's chest, making the other woman laugh softly. It was the most delightful sound she had heard in a long time and it was so much worth it. Reluctantly disentangling herself from Regina's embrace, she looked at the brunette with a lopsided grin.

"It would be a price I'd willingly pay." Regina countered coyly, as her fingers absently played with a lock of blonde hair.

"Let's get you home."

The other woman merely nodded in silence as she began descending the short steps. That silence, however, was shortly disrupted when a low cry escaped her mouth. A mischievous Emma Swan purposedly yanked her down by her hand, conveniently into her arms.

"Oh, will you look at that! Good thing I was right here to... save you, from that... nasty fall." She mused.

"Funny. Very funny, Miss... Emma." Regina regained her composure, if that was possible in Emma Swan's arms.

"No payment?" Emma almost pouted.

Regina's voice lowered an octave or so as she spoke. "Get me home _safely_. Then we shall discuss your payment _methods_." A perfectly drawn eyebrow rose, coupled with a toothy grin made its point.

Emma chuckled knowingly. "Alright. Let's go home."

* * *

**Author's note 2: **As always Read & Review! Your comments and/or suggestions are all taken into consideration! Feedback is appreciated!


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